I hesitated writing something like this because pop culture tends to elude to this: becoming sober means you had a problem with substances. With that said, enjoying a glass or two of wine on a Friday or Saturday night used to be a norm for me and would be considered moderate. It was my way of “relaxing”. When I was in relationships or when I wasn’t happy, replace that with a Gin & Tonic. This was all in 2019, when social drinking was still a lifestyle. 2020, I paid more attention to this habit.
Before I became pregnant, I found myself moving away from drinking altogether because it just really started to have an effect on me. My skin seemed dry, my hydration was awful and my memory was crap. These days when I talk to my friends and I’m like ”oh yeah I saw that movie”, but I could hardly remember it in detail…that tells me I wasn’t very present. Then again, watching a movie as a single girl would also come with browsing the internet, and sometimes snoozing just because I had the background noise. So I can’t blame alcohol all the way for my shoddy memory.
However, it does impact your gray matter in your brain, the place responsible for memory, little by little over time. I had been drinking since I was 20. Living a fast life in LA will do that to you. I was still a very independent and responsible adult though, so I can’t say it impacted me there. The largest place alcohol effected me was in my tumultuous romantic relationships. Obviously, I needed to escape but the wisdom is to get rid or what is driving you to use/drink instead of using/drinking, to cope.
My desire to really make sobriety a status and not even indulge a little came after my son was born and I was a single mom. I had already gone through and faced the pits and darkest of times pregnant, single, hormonal and sober. I knew I could face life as it was. Mommy wine culture makes it ok to use alcohol as an escape from the everyday woes of parenting. I’m not going to judge anyone for what they do, but for me, I realized quickly even a single glass made me feel less present for my child. That was enough for me to say sianora, altogether. Compound that with the fact that someone I held near and dear to my heart nearly lost his life to a drunken car accident and the other parent slipping back into addiction…I realized that I didn’t want either of those to be or become my fate.
Never having an addictive personality in the first place, it wasn’t complicated. I struggled more with how my friends would take it when I declined their offer for girls night with wine or enjoying some margaritas over Mexican food. Online quit lit and podcasts would quickly become my sobriety friend. Before when I began this journey pre pregnancy, I would do the usual, grab a bottle and then I found myself emptying it down the drain after I’d had a glass. This was my slow practice to saying goodbye. Down the drain, not down my throat.
Now that I’ve officially gotten comfortable with that status and why I am doing it, it’s easy to share and to look back and see why I so easily justified drinking alone or a glass of something fancy and tasty while out to eat. I went out to eat alone the other day while baby boy was at daycare and enjoyed my glass of lime seltzer with a lemon. As I sit there I overhear some women getting ready to leave and the sweet waitress saying to them “come on you sure you don’t want one more margarita?!”
That trap is so easy to fall into, even for someone with self control. The more you drink and the stronger it is, the easier it is to keep going. That’s why I’m utterly grateful to be on the other side. When I asked myself why I drank in the first place the answer was clear, to loosen up. I can be uptight, but I’ve accepted that about myself. I can also be a ton of fun. My friends luckily are not the drunken type and we can still hang like old times, which is great. The fear to quit often comes with concern that your relationships won’t be the same. They won’t, and that’s a great thing! They will be more authentic, present, you will be able to remember most everything you do together and you won’t spiral into buzzed drama where you just go on and on about nothing. Conversations will be more meaningful. Choosing partners will become more clear because you will see the person as they are, not as you would in an altered state.
It’s exciting to finally share this because to me, it matters. It matters why I stopped and I’m proud of this part of my journey. It’s my blog right? This part of my journey has so many benefits, saving money, shrinking waistline, boos dehydrate you as they are a diuretic and also contribute heavily to that midsection fat. I get to be the sober parent that my son needs while the other hopefully finds his way out of the slumber of addiction. I get wonderful sleep, have no hangovers or headaches and best of all, I have gained time back to pursue my passions with a gusto I never knew was possible.
I have realized sobriety is a lot of fun and can’t wait to continue changing the way we advertise how to unwind, cope and have a good time.
Cheers! *clinks alt-tail to the world”